When I was in college, I was hanging out at this really fucked up place in Northern California. It looked like it hasn’t been visited by outsiders for a long-assed time. It’s was actually kind of scary because you don’t know if the locals would assault you or fuck you up. I was scared shitless. So anyway, I’m not going to drop the name of the town, but if you ask around the San Francisco Bay Area and you tell them that you need the name of a very scary, out-of-the-way place, most people would name this place.

So anyway, it was fucking raining and miserable and all I could think of was how I could bang locals. It’s very dark out but it’s the middle of the day. It was butt-cold. Me and my buddies were just trying to stay warm, and we just rolled into town and walked into this really raggedy bar. There were only few people there.

There was this old man who’s just staring at us. We didn’t fit the profile of the people who lived there, so it was kind of a scary situation. I had these images of the movie Deliverants flashing through my mind. I mean, if you ever watched that movie, you know how fucked up a fucking backwards town can be if the locals don’t like you.

I was kind of nervous, and to try to diffuse the situation, I tried to make conversation with this old dude. And he just looked at us, and I thought, you know, shit was going to go down. And he cracked a grin. Then from there, we bought him some drinks and things were pretty cool. He was actually quite a nice guy, and he told us, “Life is a bull. You gotta grab it by the balls or you’re just going to get run over.”

I thought that this was a little bit of an over-the-top advice. I mean, I was in my early twenties, taking my time through college. I was like, “Yeah, right. Whatever, dude. Life is great. Life is what you make it.” Little did I know that this old man’s advice was fucking spot on. Life is a bull, dude. This is, like, all ups and downs, and if you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re going to get thrown off. Now, this doesn’t mean that you couldn’t get back up, brush yourself off, and keep at it. But if you really want to make headway, not only do you gotta get on top of the bull, but you gotta grab it by the balls and make it your bitch.

That lesson, I learned many years later. At that town, I did not know that that lesson was also applicable right then and there. Because right after that bar, we proceeded to one of the only two motels in that town. It’s kind of sad. You look at the motel, it wasn’t as fucked up as places I’m used to in Southern California where everything is all graffiti-d out and there’s litter all over the place. Here, it was a fairly particularly rural type of creepy.

So anyway, there was quite a number of local women. We’re talking kind of early twenties, kind of the same age as me and my friends. We’re just hanging out at a parking lot. Mind you, they’re not pros. They’re not like hookers or anything like that. They’re just chicks who hang out at parking lots with the local dudes, drinking beer and smoking pot. I guess, what else is there to do in a fucking town out of nowhere in Northern California?

So we tried to mingle, and again, it was the same kind of fucking tense situation because we were these complete strangers from the city, and all these locals were there. You can pretty much cut the tension with a butter knife. It was that thick. So I thought back to that old man’s advice, and said, “Fuck it, dude. Grab this situation by the balls.” And how else would I be able to bang locals in this town? So I made the first move, introduced myself, and I was met with silence. Again, we didn’t really fit the profile of people who lived there. Thankfully, this one short blonde girl – I mean, she was really petite, maybe 4’10”, 4’11” tops – stepped up and gave me a welcome. She had an awesome smile.

Her name was Trisha. Little did I know that she was going to introduce me into the world of adult dating. Although college life in Northern California and that place is known for pretty raunchy party and sex scene, I wasn’t really into that. And the whole adult dating thing was just beginning to take off. I mean, people meeting somewhere with totally random strangers for quick and anonymous sex, I mean, what the fuck, right? I didn’t know that that night, Trisha was going to be my introduction to adult dating. Who knew?

This chick was pretty awesome. As they say, great things come in small packages, and she definitely was a small package, you know. Big, round, perky tits, daisy duke jean shorts, that kind of thing. She was warm and friendly. I mean, her town is fucking scary as shit, but she was warm and friendly. I think that’s what made her really stand out and made me really attracted to her. She was kind of this lone bright light in an otherwise too forgettable, dark fucking town. It’s just crazy.

Anyway, me and my buddies went back to our place with about three chicks from that group. We thought that the local rednecks were going to follow us and beat the hell out of us, but thankfully, that shit didn’t happen. So we were just hanging out, chilling, and playing spin the bottle. You know, typical overgrown high school bullshit.

And this one girl – she was tall, had dark hair – pulled down my buddy’s pants and started blowing him right there in public. I was like, “The fuck?” It was kind of a mix between embarrassment, surprise, and – yes, you got it – desire. It’s like, whoa, this is fucking weird, but I like it. And my buddy definitely liked it, and we just kind of awkwardly staring on, and then Trisha pulled down my pants and started doing the same thing.

It was kind of like a weird feeling, because it’s one thing to watch a porno movie, and it’s another to actually live it out. And you know, adult dating is exactly like that. That was my first brush with the concept, and I had many more experiences with it. It really all boils down to that. You just have to be ready for it. Now, it doesn’t mean that you have to be super ready, like you have to plan it out, but at least know what to do if and when it does happen.

So my tip is just fucking come in with an open mind and just enjoy yourself, but be safe. This means, always carry protection, do not go down on strange pussy, meaning don’t eat out a chick you don’t really know. I mean, that’s kind of a one-way ticket to Herpes Land. I followed my own advice. That’s the shit that I learned on the fly.

I still don’t know what happened to Trisha after that. That was my only contact with her, but it was a lot of fun. When it comes to adult dating and online dating in general, it does take many twists and turns, and you may end up in places you’re not really sure of. Well, the good news is a little bit of inquisitiveness and curiosity can definitely go a long way.